You bet your bottom dollar I’m using that song. Why? Oh so many reasons. Mainly, because I like it. I don’t give one little hoot if you think it’s annoying. I’ll blast it on repeat for the next twelve hours and be perfectly happy. Another is how it puts a concept previously known, but unnamed, together. At least, unexplained properly. To me. Whatever, I like it, I’m using it and that’s final.
On to the main point, being a mom is hard. And not everyone can understand that. It’s hard in so many more ways than you would think. Becoming a mother literally changes your being. At least I sure hope it does. It makes you want to do better, be better. Unfortunately, it creates a continental divide. One that splits you from the people you used to know. It takes you away from all the irresponsible shenanigans you once pulled and places you squarely on the side of safe. Life changes. It changes for the better because you learn much more, much faster and you get to see it from a brand new perspective. As I said, it pulls you apart from people and you learn who in your life truly cares about you.
Social networking has made it even more dreadful. It gives you this false sense of closeness with people. Because you can stalk them… You don’t actually converse with them, you just like the stuff that shows up, maybe comment on occasion. Worse, most people lose all tact over the internet. I can guarantee you that half the atrocious things you see on networking sites would never be said face to face. More than half. With a keyboard, suddenly everyone and their grandma (literally!) has some snark-tastic thing to say in response to something you said. Remember, there are real people on the receiving end of your keyboard. Try to have some class.
Once upon a time, I was an avid facebook user. I posted, I shared, I liked. A few months ago, I posted something to the effect of, “Breasts are for babies, nursing in public is not vulgar.” You know, some regular old crunchy mama rant stuff. The feedback was… Less than acceptable. Guys talking about how boobs are great for play and what not, completely missing the point of the post and inadvertently making a mockery out of it. Anyways, I got one rather disruptive and perturbing comment that made my blood boil and my heart ache at the same time. A person I had once believed to have a deep-rooted friendship with had this to say:
Honestly, I was a little shocked. This person rarely had such assholery things to say to me, if ever. Then to unleash about my mom-ness… I was so hurt. I cried. I wondered if all of my childless friends felt the same way about me (this person was a soon to be parent at the time) and if they wished I would quit filling their newsfeed with birth, boobs and babies. It was a shattering moment, to suddenly feel so alone. Like an outcast for talking about things that mattered to me. That thought, made me angry. Who in the hell does this person think they are? You don’t like what I have to say, tough shit. Do not try to stop me from saying it. Has this person ever been to a park, they are FILLED with moms. What does this person think we do all day? Sit on the internet and troll around? (I must say, I have my days…) If I was at a park, I would still want women to be able to openly breastfeed… Apparently having any emotions about motherhood, make it overbearing motherhood. Truth be told, I’m not even sure what this person meant by that.
Then it all hit me. It doesn’t matter. If other people like what I have to say or not. If they agree or think I’m off my rocker. This person doesn’t matter and what they think of me certainly doesn’t. I wrote a cute little reply in my state of blissful could-care-less thinking and tried to dispel any misconceptions:
You are welcome to unsubscribe. My life is my child. I am still very much Sam, just a grown up version. My hair is still fire red, I’m still an eco nut, I drive like a maniac when my kid isn’t in the car and I’m obviously still a believer in doing things that others find socially odd. I have no idea what the last movie I watched was, but I don’t count movie watching as life living. I go outside every day. Just because I have transitioned my life to being a mother that fights for other mother’s rights, that doesn’t mean I have no life. I can’t go out and act like an idiot anymore through drinking and partying. Not that I want to, I did do it. It was fun. For a while. Now I’m moving on to the next stage in my life.
What I never knew growing up was that I was meant for this. To be a mother. A great, outside of the box mother. To encourage other mothers to do the same thing. I didn’t know that I would love so deeply every aspect of being a parent and the life now in front of me that is STILL filled with many options. This isn’t the path for everyone, but it is for me. I am not a simpleton who fell into a routine, I chose this.
I guess this is where I admit it openly, over the interwebs for any friend or family member to see: my son was no mistake or little bundle of whoopsie. We planned for this dear sweet child. I charted and we decided to go for it on our honeymoon, we had no idea that it would work so quickly! Doesn’t matter though, we got exactly what we wanted and we love him more and more every day. So I guess that makes a difference from parent to parent. We wanted to be parents and so we live and breathe it. We put thought and effort and research into every single parenting decision we make and therefore I encourage other parents to do the same. I post about hot topics and different ideas so that others can look into them, because I can assure you that until someone pointed out all the choices to me, I had no idea they existed.
To the people I used to know: I shared a great many wonderful moments with you and I will forever hold those dear to my heart. I hope that one day we may reconnect again and we will be able to share our interests in a mature fashion, respecting one another for who they have become and not longing for the children we used to be. Hear me now when I say I sincerely hope for the best for you, may all your dreams come true and may you find something you love so that any negativity in your life may cease to exist. Because I have found happiness in the form of a small, ever-growing little blue eyed boy. And I’ll be damned if I am going to let someone I used to know bring me down for that.